Immoral, impossible, God only knows
(Tune: St. Denio)
1. Immoral, impossible, God only knows
how tenors and basses, sopranos, altos
at service on Sunday are rarely the same
as those who on Thursday to choir practice came.
2. Unready, unable to sight-read the notes,
nor counting, nor blending, they tighten their throats.
The descant so piercing is soaring above
a melody only a mother could love.
3. They have a director, but no one knows why;
no one in the choir deigns to turn him an eye.
It's clear by his flailing, he wants them to look,
but each singer stands there with nose in the book.
4. Despite the offences, the music rings out.
The folks in the pews are enraptured, no doubt.
Their faces are blissful, their thoughts appear deep,
but this is no wonder, for they are asleep.
- Verse 1, by Austin Lovelace.
- Verses 2-4 added by Ron Hodges (choir of St. Mark's, Palo Alto, California, USA)
for the church's 50th anniversary in November 1998.
- If your choir rehearses on a day other than Thursday,
freely make the appropriate substitution in verse 1.
Q. How many choir directors does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. No one knows; no one has ever looked.