At my church, Pedant Baptist Church (hereinafter "PBC") we have long been alert to the dodgy theology in some carols. So this year we have paused before the singing of each carol to give the congregation the chance to read and sign a disclaimer drawn up by our legal team, absolving PBC from any responsibility for leading them into error by our song choice. Here is the disclaimer form we use for "Away in a Manger".

I, the undersigned, recognise that the words of "Away in a Manger" may not reflect the theological position of PBC and absolve PBC of any responsibility or liability to my theological soundness, spiritual wellbeing or eventual destination of my eternal soul caused by the singing of the carol. In particular I have read and understand the reservations that PBC has with the following lines of the carol:

"Away in a manger, no crib for a bed"

PBC recognises that the original "stable" was, in all probability, a cave or an annexe to a house used for the sheltering of animals, and that the feeding trough of the New testament was a stone basin rather than the western-style wooden manger featured in our nativity scent. PBC regrets and rejects the cultural colonialism implicit in our Western interpretation of the nativity scene.

"The little Lord Jesus laid down his sweet head"

PBC understands that the correct sleep position of newborn babies is vital to their safety. Nothing in this carol should be taken to imply that newborns should be left to adopt their own sleep position. In addition, PBC totally affirms that childbirth is messy, bloody and (frankly) pretty icky. This carol should not be taken to imply that Jesus sprung from the womb freshly laundered.

"The stars in the night sky looked down where he lay"

PBC affirms scientific consensus that stars are balls of incandescent gas, and are a mimimum of 9.44 trillion kilometres beyond the "sky". PBC refutes the implication in this carol that stars are sentient and capable of "looking", as well as the possible inference that stars are semi-divine heavenly beings. PBC affirms Psalm 8 and 147, Isaiah 40 and Amos 5 which clearly show stars as part of the created order.

"The cattle are lowing, the baby awakes"

Other domesticated animals are available. PBC stands firmly in opposition to ovinism, caprinism, porcinism, asinism and all other forms of discrimination.

"But little Lord Jesus, no crying he makes"

PBC understands that babies are capable of choice and human response. Sometimes a baby will wake and choose to contemplate the wonder of human existence in silence before alerting their significant carer to their awakened state; at other times the baby will be overcome by the absence of tit and the presence of poo and will cry immediately. Nothing in this line should be taken to demonstrate the usual waking condition of Jesus. PBC affirms the traditional tension between the absolute humanity and the absolute divinity of Christ, and rejects both extreme of Docetism and Arianism.

"I love Thee, Lord Jesus"

PBC affirms the total depravity of humankind. We accept that humans are capable of loving God (Luke 10) but also the impossibility of loving God totally and at all times. Feel free to omit this line if you do not feel the lurve.

"look down from the sky"

Oh dear.

"Be near me, Lord Jesus, I ask Thee to stay close by me forever"

PBC affirms the omnipresence of God, and the impossibility that Jesus will be anything other than near us. We affirm James 4:8 and Psalm 145:18.

"And love me I pray"

PBC recognises that God is Love, and that Jesus is incapable of doing other than loving. Even when you sing this carol without thinking about the words.

"And fit us for heaven to live with Thee there"

By singing this carol I agree to attend the six-session PBC doctrine course "What happens to us eventually? Will we be in heaven, on a new earth or something else? It's all a bit confusing, really", which starts on January 10th.